Blog post by Kevin Swarbrick

Jennie Bonita               https:amazon.com/Jennie-Bonita-Bed-Time-Stories There are moments in life that split you in two, the person you were before, and the person you’re forced to become after. Losing my fiancée, Jennifer Ann Mason , Jennie Bonita,' after more than eleven years together, was that moment for me. People talk about grief like it’s a process, a journey, a set of stages you move through. But when you lose the person who was your home, your routine, your laughter, your future, your world, your everything, … It isn’t a process. It’s a wound that doesn’t close. It’s waking up every day in a world that doesn’t make sense anymore. Jennie wasn’t just someone I loved. Jennie was the person I built a life with. The person I woke up next to eveyday for over 11 years. The person I protected, supported, and shared every part of my world with, good times and bad, we were there together. For over eleven years, it was us  our home, our rout...

What Family Really Means FaceBook Family isn’t about showing up when it suits you. It isn’t about dipping in and out when the spotlight is on. Family is about being there, every day, every night, every moment, even when nobody sees it, even when nobody claps for it. For me and Jennie, that’s what it always was. People can say what they want, twist things, rewrite timelines, pretend they were present… but the truth doesn’t bend. The truth is lived, in memories. And the truth is this: we were there . Every single day. I grew with those kids. One was barely two, the two twin boys were still tiny at five. I was there through the milestones, the tears, the laughs, the routines, the school days, the school runs with Jennie, the nights when things were tough, the mornings when things needed doing. I didn’t step in for show, I stepped in because that’s what you do when you love someone and their family becomes your family. Jennie was the same. She was 100% committed to her family circ...

                   “The Days and Months: Learning to Live in the Silence without #JennieBonia ”] After writing about the day Jennie passed, I thought maybe putting the words down would help me breathe a little more. It did and didn’t. If anything, it made everything feel even more real. Because the truth is, the days after  1 November 2025  didn’t feel like days at all. They felt like one long, endless moment, a blur of shock, the disbelief, and a silence so loud it swallowed everything and still does to this day. People talk about “The first months” after losing someone,  a love like ours, it’s something you can never measure as time has no meaning. Time didn’t move the way it used to. Morning, afternoon, night, it all blended together into one heavy, aching stretch of hours where I didn’t know what to do, where to stand, or how to exist in a world Jen isn't in it and still don't. I remember walking around the flat, touch...

                                   A Place Lit by Love,                                                                    A Place Lit by Love Jennie’s resting place has become exactly what her life was gentle, warm, and full of light. The flowers, the colours, the way everything glows softly at night… it’s a reflection of the love Jen carried and the love Jen left behind and the love that I hold deeply. Nothing forced. Nothing for show. Just real, quiet beauty. Every piece placed there has meaning that others wont see, but we do. Every light is a reminder that Jens presence didn’t fade, it shifted. Every flower is a moment of love that didn’t end when Jens life did. It’s peaceful. It’s cared for. It’s Jens. And standing there, you...

                                      Jennie’s Story. The Book That Made Jennie so happy.    Jennie’s Story. The Book That Made Jennie so happy,  And The Legacy I’m Carrying Forward no matter what. We wrote Jennie’s Bed Time Story for Jennie, we talked about it, drafted it, then I it did. It made Jen light up in a way I’ll never forget, that moment was unforgettable, Jen went telling the neighbours, telling everyone with that beautiful smile Jen always held. It wasn’t just a book. It was something much deeper… something more personal… something that belonged to Jennie, to us. Jennie survived more than most people ever knew. She carried scars from a past she never deserved from past relationships that she had never told no one else other than me, her soulmate, best friend that Jen trusted me with them things, them stories. Jens fears. Jens memories. Jens dreams. Jens Love. ...

                                                  After writing about the day Jennie passed, I thought maybe putting the words down would help me breathe a little more. It did and didn’t. If anything, it made everything feel even more real. Because the truth is, the days after  1 November 2025  didn’t feel like days at all. They felt like one long, endless moment, a blur of shock, the disbelief, and a silence so loud it swallowed everything and still does to this day. People talk about “The first months” after losing someone,  a love like ours, it’s something you can never measure as time has no meaning. Time didn’t move the way it used to. Morning, afternoon, night, it all blended together into one heavy, aching stretch of hours where I didn’t know what to do, where to stand, or how to exist in a world Jen isn't in it and still don't. I remember wa...

   What Love Is Really About?

  The Day My World Stopped: Losing Jennie (1 November 2025) 1 November 2025. A date I’ll never escape. A date that carved itself into me the moment it happened. The day everything I knew, everything I loved, everything I built my life around… stopped. It’s the day I lost my fiancée, my partner, my soulmate, my world, my Jennie. Even now, writing this, I still don’t know how to make sense of it. How do you put into words the moment your entire world collapses? How do you explain the silence, the person you shared your life with? But I need to try. Because keeping it inside feels like trying to hold back a storm with my bare hands. Jennie passed away on 1 November 2025, and nothing has feels real since. For more than 11 years, it was me and Jennie and the Grandkids, our home, our routines, our laughter, our arguments, our stupid jokes, our late‑night chats, our mornings, our nights, our life. We built everything together. We survived things together. We fought battles side by side th...